Psychological air

I keep on finding examples of expectations that are idealized and unreasonable. I am also realizing that I am not effectively and continuously communicating my expectations to others. Perhaps, if I can communicate why I am disappointed, while also listening completely to them, perhaps there will be fewer hurt feelings…

But it takes so much energy to truly listen to another.  (I am writing and thinking – who knows where this will end up…)

I read in a book that listening to others is like giving them psychological air. If you take the time to fully understand where they are coming from, and are able to state it to them in a way that they know you understand, they may be willing to listen to your points-feelings-ideas as well.

I just experienced some pain when my mom commented on a previous post. I realize that, even though I was dealing with the area she commented on, she has been hurt by it. But I am so sensitive about the subject that I cannot yet deal with her pain. Sitting here now, I hope and pray that this will start us communicating on the subject – even though the first communications have been poor. We have to start somewhere. I hope that we will not give up just because we are communicating badly. Let us keep doing it until we learn to do it well.

Writing this, I realize that I need to somehow empathize with my mother’s hurts. I need her to know that I completely understand them. Just thinking about facing that is frightening. (Am I being too dramatic?)

It is so hard to do this within the emotionally-charged arena of a family, especially when there is a history of good people communicating poorly. No wonder it seems safer and easier to communicate with strangers. You have not disappointed them yet.

I cannot change people. I can only change myself. And even that is a daunting task.