Mis-use of your creative imagination (ramble)

One of my favorite quotes, from a source I cannot recall, has always been:"Worry is the mis-use of your creative imagination."

It illuminates so much.

Worry is an imagination. It is your mind dwelling on, mulling over and creating scenarios about some future chain of events. Presently, I am doing it about several things: Money, relationships, my future.... If we measure truth as something that is undeniable, than anything less than truth has some measure of wishful or worry-full thinking. I will explain.

We are creative beings. We can create scenarios in our heads (imagination) that we put (misguided) faith into. Worry imagines how perceived-limitations (whether true or not) will hender or destroy our desires(goals) and responsibilities. What amazes me the most, is how much faith some of us put into them. If we actually wrote down everything we ever worried about, then compared it to what actually happened, we would be embarrassingly inaccurate. The only face-saving lie we could cling to would be, "well, it didn't happen because I worried about it." Balderdash!

I should note, that worry is different than caution. Caution sees a danger and avoids it. Caution does not dwell on the limitation/obstacle/danger; it identifies and avoids/deals with it. Worry takes caution out of reality and brews an anxiety-creating fantasy. (Anyone who is control-obsessed is trying to manage all variables so they can avoid their imagined calamity. Oh, what a self-tortured life.)

Now wishful fantasies can be equally destructive. They can create expectations that will never be lived up to (both in yourself and in others). When those expectations are not met, they create a loss that must be grieved. Just yesterday, I fantasized about suddenly coming into millions of dollars (through a yet-to-be-identified brilliance that has so-far avoided me). I was then able to take care of, in my mind, every energy-sapping un-met responsibility. I could then enjoy (again, in my mind) all the wishes I desire and fantasized about. It was a panacea (all-problems-solved) moment. The thrill of it let me believe, if only for a moment, that everything would be okay. No, I didn't actually believe it. But It made it okay to fantasize about it.

But truth is much more sobering. If pleasure where our purpose and goal in life, then, by God, the crazy people have it right. Let's live in our fantasy world. Oh wait, most of us do already. Except we do it by holding unattainable (though rationalized) expectations while torturing ourselves with hours of fruitless worry.

Step back, as I have, and realize what we are doing to oursevse. We can choose to stop it. Most stop it by self-medicating (drugs, fantasy, distractions). Most of us use at lease one to help us get through. Our other option is to embrace truth - and let it set us free. It is a long journey, but the journey will free you from these things that bind you.

Don't tell me you don't have faith. Faith is what you express when you trust something enough let it deal with that which tortures you. Take another look at what you are trusting in.

I am.

I have such a long way to go.

here is mom and My late sister dancing - One of my very FAVORITE moments :)

Squished Edgar bug

I figured out how to post videos, So I had to share with you one of the most tragic things that ever happened to my son and i on a walk. oh my, I am still recovering. :)

Living Life

I am going through an odd time in my life.

I have plenty of business, but with people that I can do little for.

I have little money, but I am rich in friendships.

I have tons of time, and no place to go.

I let go of something I want, yet I cling so something I don't.

I devise a great plan, but I'm not capable of it.

I can arrive at truth, but I hate hearing it.

I know how to stem my anxiety, but I am still ravaged by it.

I know who to trust, but I forget to trust.

I want authenticity, but I feel divided.

My responsibilities are not being met, but I am there for the most important moments.

I have no outward signs of success, yet I feel I am making the most important progress of my life.

Yes, soon, my decisions will be questioned. My motives will be insulted. My existence will be shamed. I will have to remember that (a)my struggle is not against those who are upset with/by my life, and (b) I can do little for those whom my life has upset.

Lord, Bless them,

And Change me.

Lord comfort those I have upset, provide for those whom I have not provided for, and help us all to find you within the struggle.

The struggle of living life.

Just one of those nights

I heard someone say that we should question everything.... There must be more to that quote, because if all I do is question, then I seem to be sucking the very life out of everything.

But today's question is different. Perhaps it will preventing me from throwing away time.

My question is regarding my supposed urgent desire to write a book about my new perspective on life. I am wondering if I am actually qualified to write it now. I am wondering if it is what I should be expending my time and energy on.

Yes, It has done wonders for me personally. And it Gives me a powerful message to share. However, When I take a good look at my life, I realize that I am not living up to the base responsibilities of my life.

And on that charge, I am woefully guilty.

It's been a nice escape. It has been a great change in direction. But I need to apply myself to my trade now.

God Bless the effort I put in. I must do it as unto him.

Seeking my own pleasure

"Today I am recovering from seeking my own pleasure."

I think that is a statement we all could use more often. It is certainly one I am using today.

So often we seek pleasure from our lives that we have not been given, or we do not have the right too. (good grief - Writing about this, I realize I don't really know how to adequately express this perspective.)

The simplest and most general of explanations: We look to ourselves or to others to give us the fulfillment we desire. But so often, we and they are pathetically poor at consistently providing those feelings. So we then have a choice. We either begin to build an enabling world view that self-justifies our actions, or we become deeply depressed at the reality of our continual failure to actualize ourselves.

I have found a third way. It is a hard and narrow way. It isn't easily understood by those to whom I express it. I often leave it, and follow one of the other two paths. But I always return. Because here, my failure is acknowledged, but not condemned. So I am free to see things as they actually are, while free also of the self-inflicted condemnation as well. Here I walk in light (truth), not in self-deception. Here I look to one who defined my value by his death, Who fills me to over flowing with What I desire (see last paragraph), and asks only that I look to him, instead of myself and others and things, with hope and expectation and faith. That way, when people gift me with what I desire, I will never be disappointed when tomorrow they cannot give it again...

For they are not the source...Jesus is.

Thank you to everyone who has failed my expectations (yeah - that is everyone) Because I never should have looked to you to begin with. If you had been able to give me what I wanted, then I never would have keep seeking. And now that I have sought, I have found. Now, I see what you have been to me as an amazing GIFT. And I am so sorry I ever saw it any other way.

Thank you all for the gifts you have given me. Gifts of support, validation, love, correction, acceptance, loyalty, friendship, companionship, affection, forgiveness, and so much more. I now see God as the source, and you as the gifted giver, the re-presenter, the chosen reflection of God during those moments. Thank you so much.