What forgiveness is not

I have been struggling with the concept of forgiveness now for almost a week and a half. Fortunately, a book by RT Kendall called Total Forgiveness was recommended to me. Much of what I will write is my exploration, paraphrase or discussion of his thoughts. Thank you RT for your work on this under appreciated tool.

Please know that the only reason I started down this path was for my own sake. I never really wanted to let anyone off the hook for anything. Especially me. I would prefer to stew on something until I have the perfect defensible release for it... Maybe an example would better illustrate this. hmmmm - I need to be careful. I don't want to vent something I am mad about.... Venting.... Forgiveness seems to be the opposite of Venting.

FORGIVENESS IS SO FRUSTRATING! I am so bad at it!

Let us start with the what it isn't:

• It isn't repressing the memory of the offence
• It is not turning a blind eye to it, .
• It is not approving of it
• it is not excusing it
• It is not Justifying the actions (making them appear right)
• It is not dismissing the severity of it
• It is not pretending that we are unhurt
• IT IS acknowledging and identifying it fully and completely.
• It is not forgetting it, but choosing not to remember (keeping a balance sheet on it)
• It is not protecting from the consequences (pardoning), But it is not pursuing Vengeance
• It is not reconciliation (takes two who are willing to restore the relationship, but peace with the offence
• It does not stop you from taking action to protect other's, but it is no wanton self-fulfilling vengeful destruction of someone's reputation and life. (okay, I have dreamed of wanton self-fulfilling vengeance - Just think of what I would do if someone hurt my son!)

I think my pastor was right, sometimes, the only chance we have of forgiving is with the personal touch of God in our life....

But pursuing has so many immediate benefits to us that it is worth the struggle.