Annoyed

I don't know why everything is annoying me today. Well, everything except my son. Maybe that is it. I know that tonight is my last night with him for a week. I Hate that!

That's not all I am annoyed about.

Oh no! <an idea just popped into my mind>

I have this thing that I do when I get really annoyed. It might be time to do it again. It may sound kind of extreme... I write an "I Hate...." list. It turns into a stream-of-conscience vent-session. I can (& do) go on for pages. It becomes a frantic rush to express. It usually includes everything that I haven't wanted to look at or examine or acknowledge. I can feel refreshed or exhausted afterwards. I wonder why I don't do it more often. I hate that I wait until I get this bad before I vent. (see) It is a lot less expensive than a shrink. (I hate that shrinks cost so much money. I hate that insurance only covers a few visits. I hate co-pays.) Okay - I am getting warmed up. I usually burn the pages, as I would not want such harsh words read by any of the many subjects.

Why does it work for me? Well, Hate is a great word. It is so extreme. It lets off so much pressure. Afterward it is easier for me to acknowledge/accept/let go/move-beyond the listed annoyance. It's shocking what/who make the list.

But I am almost afraid to start this one.

Its like pulling my mask off and seeing what is underneath. It isn't easy or fun. Problems that I wanted to have worked through will seem like fresh wounds again. Oh my, I have a lot to write about.

There is nothing sacred in these pages. They are the sum of everything that bugs me - even just a little.

How do I know I need to write it? Because I am about to bite the head off of almost everyone I know. There is some serious pressure built up - It is going to blow. This way, at least, it is a controlled burn....

Unexpressed emotion is a powerful driving force - I am going to let the air out of its tires...