I simply do not know what to say today.... But I will give it a try.
With all of my discoveries about life and myself, none of them softens the deep affection I have for that certain person. Admittedly, the shape and form of it has changed dramatically. How I relate to her has drastically changed. I no longer dare to hope for a future with her at my side, but I do still look at her and see everything that I loved and treasured.
I had a moment, these past few days, when I remembered again how I expressed how deep my decision was to date her. I warned her that as hard as it had been for her to get me to see her that way, that would be that much harder for me if things didn't work out. I know how deeply I love. I never wanted to do it again, unless I knew that they were the ONE..
Well, That just goes to show what a good prognosticator I am :(.
I know God is using this to do something special in me. I am beyond thankful. As my life changes, it becomes the easier it is to Love her from this safe distance. It reminds me of a biblical author who talked about something that he continued to pray to God about, but God never resolved it. He said that it had to remain in his life to keep him humble and remind him of his dependence upon God.
Well, I cannot imagine a better gift from God, than for her to be what continually forces me to seek His face and His will in my life.
6/14/2006
6/11/2006
What is Lord of your Heart
What is Lord of your Heart?
Not in word, but in practice...
You can see it by your fruit...
Are you always a peacemaker, harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted and humble in the midst of being despitefully used when in a defendable and justifiable position?
Or do you hit back. (Insult for insult, slight for slight)
You know, it is okay if you do. Just don’t fool yourself (as I have been) by thinking that you have fully given your life to God.
I hope to one day be able to say that I will not allow a woman to rule my heart. That in it’s place, I hope to be continually looking to the unquenchable source for my hopes and dreams.... And I will know if I am by my fruit... (less-needy = more-lovable)
Not in word, but in practice...
You can see it by your fruit...
Are you always a peacemaker, harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted and humble in the midst of being despitefully used when in a defendable and justifiable position?
Or do you hit back. (Insult for insult, slight for slight)
You know, it is okay if you do. Just don’t fool yourself (as I have been) by thinking that you have fully given your life to God.
I hope to one day be able to say that I will not allow a woman to rule my heart. That in it’s place, I hope to be continually looking to the unquenchable source for my hopes and dreams.... And I will know if I am by my fruit... (less-needy = more-lovable)
Question what you believe
Yes, Question it. It is healthy!
We all say things in our heads... all day long. And because we are the ones saying it, we conclude that what we are saying is what we believe. Well here is a challange: Question what you believe. Pretend it contains only a piece of the truth. Just enough for us to accept it. BE BRUTAL. Search for the other perspectives.
Please, Don't just believe what you tell youself.
Check out this article I found - it reminded me that most of the emotional pain I experience is because of what I am believing inside. SOME, if not MOST, is not completely accurate. All of it deserves to be observed from a different perspective.
PURSUE TRUTH - even in the darkest parts of your own mind....
"Truth is always kinder than our thoughts about it" and The truth will set us free.
We all say things in our heads... all day long. And because we are the ones saying it, we conclude that what we are saying is what we believe. Well here is a challange: Question what you believe. Pretend it contains only a piece of the truth. Just enough for us to accept it. BE BRUTAL. Search for the other perspectives.
Please, Don't just believe what you tell youself.
Check out this article I found - it reminded me that most of the emotional pain I experience is because of what I am believing inside. SOME, if not MOST, is not completely accurate. All of it deserves to be observed from a different perspective.
PURSUE TRUTH - even in the darkest parts of your own mind....
"Truth is always kinder than our thoughts about it" and The truth will set us free.
6/07/2006
Storm
Sometimes a storm brews. You want it to stop. But it doesn't.. So you try to fix it. But the fix does more damage than the storm itself.Let us see the storm as the next lesson. Be patient within it. Don't panic. Don't manipulate it. Let it rain. And look for that quiet small voice. You will know it when you hear it. It will be the one that tells you what you don't quite want to hear. Just be quiet and absorb it.
It just might be God teaching you something.
6/06/2006
OffTopic - FireFox
I have to say, The very best thing I have on my computer is the Internet browser FireFox. I know, this is a departure from what I normally write about, but it it adds so much to my experience on the internet.... It is just amazing.
If you are still using Internet Explorer - or any other internet browser.... well, a few minutes getting used to FireFox
and you will understand what I am talking about. Right now, I am using the FTP extention to add files to Adam's Web site, Plus I am writting this blog entry, and I have 5 other pages that I am motitoring..... and I have only one Window open. It is fantastic! Plus, I don't get pop-up adds and spywear - as you do with Microsoft's Internet Explorer...
There are so many reasons why FireFox is great - Thank you Kate for Introducing this to me!!! (almost a year ago now!)
If you are still using Internet Explorer - or any other internet browser.... well, a few minutes getting used to FireFox
and you will understand what I am talking about. Right now, I am using the FTP extention to add files to Adam's Web site, Plus I am writting this blog entry, and I have 5 other pages that I am motitoring..... and I have only one Window open. It is fantastic! Plus, I don't get pop-up adds and spywear - as you do with Microsoft's Internet Explorer...
There are so many reasons why FireFox is great - Thank you Kate for Introducing this to me!!! (almost a year ago now!)
IDOLizing the Ideal
IDOLizing the Ideal
Talk about a thought that is germinating. These thoughts are completely open for discussion. I could be completely off base. But I think there is a measure of truth here. I hope you find it :P Please comment!!
When that image is attached to a person, that person will inevitably let us down. We then often say, though with different words, “You have not measured up to your Image that I have fashioned. You have violated my trust in your image. Now I am justified as question your character because you have failed my image.” This image fashioning can easily be employed to tear a person down. You can set up an impossible-to-achieve image of a person, then compare them to it, and then discredit them based on that comparison. It is easily swallowed because the ideal is what everyone would want.
Both of these are so destructive. When we look upon people as imperfect-but-loved, there is such a higher chance for healing and growth. This is the attitude that God has with us. It gives us the freedom to screw up royally (when compared to the ideal), yet it never costs us the privilege to re-connect. No, we cannot expect other people to have this Agape-level love for us. So why do we allow them to be the source/cause of the weather we carry around with us. We can never find abiding peace when you are looking to another person.
So, I propose that I/you lay down the Metaphysical Idols I/you have created. Whether you believe in the big-g God or not, these Idols can do nothing for you - except defile (vs 15) your life with expectations that can never be met. There are far better things to worship than these!
Let’s DE-Idol-ize our lives
Talk about a thought that is germinating. These thoughts are completely open for discussion. I could be completely off base. But I think there is a measure of truth here. I hope you find it :P Please comment!!
- We often idolize the Ideal.
- An Idol is something we fashion, create, or buy. We might be creating an image that we think will comfort, direct, or empower us.
- A Metaphysical Idol (Coined Term) is an idealized image we create in our mind.
- There are all sorts of things we apply our imaging too: Ourselves, Other People (parents/kids, friends, leaders.........), The Future, Our Possessions (There must be more!)
- We often expect these idols to remain unblemished and have God-like knowledge of our motivations, goals, intentions, and/or silent prayers.
- When the Image (or Idol) that we have does not perform as we as imagined, we are left angry, upset, disappointed and hurt.
When that image is attached to a person, that person will inevitably let us down. We then often say, though with different words, “You have not measured up to your Image that I have fashioned. You have violated my trust in your image. Now I am justified as question your character because you have failed my image.” This image fashioning can easily be employed to tear a person down. You can set up an impossible-to-achieve image of a person, then compare them to it, and then discredit them based on that comparison. It is easily swallowed because the ideal is what everyone would want.
Both of these are so destructive. When we look upon people as imperfect-but-loved, there is such a higher chance for healing and growth. This is the attitude that God has with us. It gives us the freedom to screw up royally (when compared to the ideal), yet it never costs us the privilege to re-connect. No, we cannot expect other people to have this Agape-level love for us. So why do we allow them to be the source/cause of the weather we carry around with us. We can never find abiding peace when you are looking to another person.
So, I propose that I/you lay down the Metaphysical Idols I/you have created. Whether you believe in the big-g God or not, these Idols can do nothing for you - except defile (vs 15) your life with expectations that can never be met. There are far better things to worship than these!
Let’s DE-Idol-ize our lives
5/28/2006
What we worship...
What we worship...
(this will be changed when I wake up and think, what the heck was I trying to write. For anyone interested, this is what the first draft of a post usually looks like.)
So, idols.... What is an Idol?
(Incomplete answers) people or things or Ideals that take up an inordinate and unhealthy amount our thoughts and time.
Worship – dwelling on, giving time to, holding up as exalted. Acknowledgement of value and position with Words and deeds.
What Idols are you worshiping?
I am having to rethink what my life has been based upon. What ideal has it actually been focused around. What pervasive plan did I pay attention to? Did I worship it? Did it become the idol of my life?
I say yes. But it wasn’t just women. It was the pursuit of an ideal woman to complete me. Too much became watered down due to this pursuit.
So, now, I must lay down forever these and attend to the creator, for whom I was created. (spooky sounding- must be a better way to communicate it.)
Looking for some feedback – This thoughts are very new and very rough.
(this will be changed when I wake up and think, what the heck was I trying to write. For anyone interested, this is what the first draft of a post usually looks like.)
So, idols.... What is an Idol?
(Incomplete answers) people or things or Ideals that take up an inordinate and unhealthy amount our thoughts and time.
Worship – dwelling on, giving time to, holding up as exalted. Acknowledgement of value and position with Words and deeds.
What Idols are you worshiping?
I am having to rethink what my life has been based upon. What ideal has it actually been focused around. What pervasive plan did I pay attention to? Did I worship it? Did it become the idol of my life?
I say yes. But it wasn’t just women. It was the pursuit of an ideal woman to complete me. Too much became watered down due to this pursuit.
So, now, I must lay down forever these and attend to the creator, for whom I was created. (spooky sounding- must be a better way to communicate it.)
Looking for some feedback – This thoughts are very new and very rough.
5/27/2006
The Prophetic Conclusion?
The Prophetic Conclusion
Re-Read the last words of my last Blog entry.....
So I am reading the book that my father recommended to me. I hope that if any of you read it, you are able to see it only as a cautionary-tale, not the allegorical-biography that I see it as.
Hosea
When I am able to grasp it better, I will write more about it. However, in a million different ways, I have been writing about it for years.
I will say this, Beware of what you put your trust in. Consider that the accomplishments/rewards of your life are not necessarily the proud-result of your efforts, but a gift; a gift that, if/when taken away, will leave you destitute. At that point you will find that your only option, toward hope, is God. When/if you then earnestly pursue him, you will find the source of those things which you had before. And those things that are truly important will, one day, be gifted again to you.
Welcome the hard times. Let them push you into those open arms of God.
Re-Read the last words of my last Blog entry.....
So I am reading the book that my father recommended to me. I hope that if any of you read it, you are able to see it only as a cautionary-tale, not the allegorical-biography that I see it as.
Hosea
When I am able to grasp it better, I will write more about it. However, in a million different ways, I have been writing about it for years.
I will say this, Beware of what you put your trust in. Consider that the accomplishments/rewards of your life are not necessarily the proud-result of your efforts, but a gift; a gift that, if/when taken away, will leave you destitute. At that point you will find that your only option, toward hope, is God. When/if you then earnestly pursue him, you will find the source of those things which you had before. And those things that are truly important will, one day, be gifted again to you.
Welcome the hard times. Let them push you into those open arms of God.
5/26/2006
Zig
Zig
Zig Ziggler has an amazing way of making it sound easy. I heard him on the radio talking about marriage. He said something to the effect that 100% of the happily married men, that he had ever met - were faithful to their wives. He then went on to point out that you always find what you are looking for. If you are looking for the positives of your spouse, you will find them. If you are looking for their shortcomings, you will find those too. You get what you put into it.
I think we can expand this to most everyone. Now, I know, I usually don’t pursue such “positive thinking” thought-trails. But, this one tickled my interest: this, on a day when my father came to me expressing the beginning of his discovery-of-responsibility. May the trip be long and fruitful.
It reminds me of several verses. Titus 1:15 – “(a)To the pure, all things are pure; (b)but to those who are defiled and unbelieving, nothing is pure, but both their mind and their conscience are defiled.” And then Philippians 4:8 – “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”
Frankly, as I sit here, I realize how annoying these verses are to me. (haha- I guess this really puts me in the second classification of Titus 1:15 (b)– Sigh) Maybe it is because almost no one looks upon me for a long time and continues to see the good and wonderful parts. (And if they do, well, I feel confident I will eventually prove them wrong.) Yet, in the same breath, I must admit, I never look at them with that eye either. How can I see all these things when I am busy protecting myself from their human-ness.
Perhaps, as a wounded animal, still yet-to-be-whole, I have been looking to people for my appreciation, support, and affection. As they are incapable of being the inexhaustible-source, my heart has hardened toward them. Perhaps, when I become separate, unique, and whole, I won’t be dependant upon them for such gifts. Then, being fully satisfied, I will be appreciative of what they can give, instead of looking at what they cannot. Then, having shed my tick-like existence, I will experience people without fear or defensiveness. I will not be looking to them for anything. So, I, being un-needy, with no expectations, having fully forgiven them, seeing them without my judgment – I will finally see them for who they are. And because I am un-injured by the bad, I will be able to focus on the contents of Phil 4:8 in their life.
Yes Zig, you are right. However, we must first become unique, separate and whole, as living stones (I Peter 2:5). Then we will have the ability to see the pure within people, without fearing their defiledness. No Happy-Horse-Poo is going to make you able to see what your heart is hardened against. The most his message can hope to accomplish is to further define how short we come to that ideal. (Oh that I could get every reader to see this) And as such, it should drive us to cling harder to the only-known-source of that purity. Join me! I will meet you there...at the foot of the cross.
(I think I could become a great Fire and Brimstone Preacher – ‘Cept my message would be “Welcome the FIRE AND THE BRIMSTONE, for it will to force you into the OPEN ARMS OF GOD.”
What do you think?
Zig Ziggler has an amazing way of making it sound easy. I heard him on the radio talking about marriage. He said something to the effect that 100% of the happily married men, that he had ever met - were faithful to their wives. He then went on to point out that you always find what you are looking for. If you are looking for the positives of your spouse, you will find them. If you are looking for their shortcomings, you will find those too. You get what you put into it.
I think we can expand this to most everyone. Now, I know, I usually don’t pursue such “positive thinking” thought-trails. But, this one tickled my interest: this, on a day when my father came to me expressing the beginning of his discovery-of-responsibility. May the trip be long and fruitful.
It reminds me of several verses. Titus 1:15 – “(a)To the pure, all things are pure; (b)but to those who are defiled and unbelieving, nothing is pure, but both their mind and their conscience are defiled.” And then Philippians 4:8 – “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”
Frankly, as I sit here, I realize how annoying these verses are to me. (haha- I guess this really puts me in the second classification of Titus 1:15 (b)– Sigh) Maybe it is because almost no one looks upon me for a long time and continues to see the good and wonderful parts. (And if they do, well, I feel confident I will eventually prove them wrong.) Yet, in the same breath, I must admit, I never look at them with that eye either. How can I see all these things when I am busy protecting myself from their human-ness.
Perhaps, as a wounded animal, still yet-to-be-whole, I have been looking to people for my appreciation, support, and affection. As they are incapable of being the inexhaustible-source, my heart has hardened toward them. Perhaps, when I become separate, unique, and whole, I won’t be dependant upon them for such gifts. Then, being fully satisfied, I will be appreciative of what they can give, instead of looking at what they cannot. Then, having shed my tick-like existence, I will experience people without fear or defensiveness. I will not be looking to them for anything. So, I, being un-needy, with no expectations, having fully forgiven them, seeing them without my judgment – I will finally see them for who they are. And because I am un-injured by the bad, I will be able to focus on the contents of Phil 4:8 in their life.
Yes Zig, you are right. However, we must first become unique, separate and whole, as living stones (I Peter 2:5). Then we will have the ability to see the pure within people, without fearing their defiledness. No Happy-Horse-Poo is going to make you able to see what your heart is hardened against. The most his message can hope to accomplish is to further define how short we come to that ideal. (Oh that I could get every reader to see this) And as such, it should drive us to cling harder to the only-known-source of that purity. Join me! I will meet you there...at the foot of the cross.
(I think I could become a great Fire and Brimstone Preacher – ‘Cept my message would be “Welcome the FIRE AND THE BRIMSTONE, for it will to force you into the OPEN ARMS OF GOD.”
What do you think?
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