I don't know

I simply do not know what to say today.... But I will give it a try.

With all of my discoveries about life and myself, none of them softens the deep affection I have for that certain person. Admittedly, the shape and form of it has changed dramatically. How I relate to her has drastically changed. I no longer dare to hope for a future with her at my side, but I do still look at her and see everything that I loved and treasured.

I had a moment, these past few days, when I remembered again how I expressed how deep my decision was to date her. I warned her that as hard as it had been for her to get me to see her that way, that would be that much harder for me if things didn't work out. I know how deeply I love. I never wanted to do it again, unless I knew that they were the ONE..

Well, That just goes to show what a good prognosticator I am :(.

I know God is using this to do something special in me. I am beyond thankful. As my life changes, it becomes the easier it is to Love her from this safe distance. It reminds me of a biblical author who talked about something that he continued to pray to God about, but God never resolved it. He said that it had to remain in his life to keep him humble and remind him of his dependence upon God.

Well, I cannot imagine a better gift from God, than for her to be what continually forces me to seek His face and His will in my life.