Filling a need

Filling a need

I am beginning to think that Relationship-wrecks are caused by one or both parties looking to the other person to fill an inner need that they have. When they find that person cannot perform as the desired-consistent-source, they either 1) try to add infuse them with that characteristic or 2) use its absence to justify their moving on. (Yeah, I could add a bunch more to the list, but I don’t want the focus to be the list.)

They feel they have a right to that need-fulfillment. They deserve it. And without them knowing it, they begin to resent their objects shortcoming and attempt to suck it from them… or raging at its disappearance/inconsistency.

I used to think that this all happened because the expectations of the respective shipmates. The expectations must be flawed, or off, or unclear, or exaggerated, or unrealistic. But I am beginning to believe that it goes even further than that. I think that the moment you look at another person, as the source of you whatever-need, is the moment your expectations have moved out-of-bounds. They are, remarkably, just like you – fallibly human, and as such, utterly unable to adequately meet your demands or needs or requirements. Any performer can perform for a time… But none can do it without fail. Failing (letting you down) may be the only end that can be guaranteed.

I don’t think that I am referring to your “deal-breakers” - Actions that injure or hurt you. But I am addressing you putting yourself in position to depend upon them. Such trust and faith should be placed upon no man/woman. None are worthy (able to fulfill it). The only viable object of such faith is our God. The value of that relationship includes enabling you to not put such faith and trust in people (or things or money or plans or yourself). This freedom allows you to choose a shipmate that complements you, but does not sustain you.