Mary Anne

Mary Anne's YouTube page

I came across this person on YouTube about a week ago. As I watched more of her videos, I realized that this girl has some crazy range. I mean, she can sing just about anything! Every Vowel has it's own distinct sound - okay, it is a little weird that I noticed that, but a lot of people can sing, but very few are both distinctive and skilled, she is.

But I didn't become a huge fan until today. Today she released a video blog where she answered questions about herself. It was one of the most authentic 10 minutes I have ever watched. (Anyone who knows me, Authentic is one of my highest complements.) Suddenly the interestingly skilled & versatile singer became Mary Anne: the authentic, adorable, engaging, finally-appreciated talent who's singing is enhanced by the depth of an imperfect life lived looking to God.

Check her out.

Edit: To my few friends who finds Mary Anne unqualifingly attractive, I am truly sorry that this blog let you back to this distraction. I, for one, agree that she is a beau, but see her almost as a character in a far off play instead of a internet-crush-distraction. I almost pulled this post off, but changed my mind, so that other's could hopefully enjoy this find. May you both find a good woman soon.... :P

Everyman's biography (or the World's shortest biography)

Chapter 1
A man walks down a street and falls down a hole that he didn't see. After a while, He gets out.

Chapter 2
The man walks down the same street, thinking possibly the hole won't be there. It is and he falls. He gets out.

Chapter 3
The man walks down the same street. He knows the hole is there but he hopes that he won't fall in the hole. He falls in and then gets out.

Chapter 4
The man walks down the same street, knowing there is a hole and knowing he has to avoid the hole. He walks around the hole and doesn't fall in.

Chapter 5,
The man takes a different street.

Unappreciated

Did you ever feel completely unappreciated?

What do you do about it? If you ignore it, are you agreeing with them that you are less valuable? If you address it, are you could alienating them further. If you get mad about it, do you validate their opinion further.

Are you looking to them to provide you validation? Is that the reason you have been who you have been to them? Maybe in a small way??

If they are a person, they will under appreciate you. They will usually not reciprocate or notice what they receive from you. Just move on, Seek God, and let that safe relationship define you.

It isn't ignoring it, it is stopping the search for it. It is forgiving them for what they are incapable of anyway. You never should have looked there in the first place.

Move on. Let the pain signal you that you are looking in the wrong place.

BTW: all "you"'s can be replaced with "I''s
--
Lone McCord

What do we know

The colors bleeding
The light reflecting
The master's hand
Touching a process
Beyond our comprehension

Our hearts mending
Our lives expanding
The master's hand
Guiding us to a place
Beyond our imagination

The looking glass may
be unable to perceive
This fading flower's
Subsequent moments
So let them be...

In the Master's hand.

Cacoethes

Did you ever find a word that described something that you always wanted to describe.

Well, today, I did. That Word is Cacoethes: (The C's sounds like k's, the first vowel is short and the rest are long.)

What is a Cacoethes? Well, did you ever do something that you had no good reason for doing. And if you were ever questioned about it, you had an insufficient but acceptable-to-you excuse for doing it. Well, that is a Cacoethes. The official definition is: "an irrational but irresistible motive for a belief or action"



I see so much Cacoethes in life. They are so easy to point out. A good place to start looking is at the things about you that everyone that knows you sees, but you are clueless about. Or if you aren't clueless, you cling to it regardless. Nothing anyone could say will shake you from that path. That is the passion element of the word.

This word interests me, as I feel like I learn these great truths, yet I don't see them enacted in my life. Then I see friends make these life-direction-correcting self-discoveries, only to, in a few short weeks/days/hours, revert to their previous path.

So how do we deal with the Cacoethes in our lives? And if we are so unable to address them in our own life, is it a greater waste of effort directly dealing with them in our friend's lives?

Kind of reminds me of the verse that most Christians #$%#ing forget. The one that says, deal with the log in your own eye before you try to help with the speck in your friend's eye.

That verse seems brilliant now....

Control

I was sitting waiting for a particularly stressful meeting today. As I sat there, chatting idly with those sitting next to me, I asked myself a question. What are things I can control?

I realized I can control only a few things. Those include: a) How kind I am; b) What actions I take; c) How respectful I am; d) Whom I forgive; e) What I think about; f) and in whom/what I place my trust.

This begged the question – What are the things I cannot control?

This list is a bit longer. Again, in no particular order: 1) Decisions of others; 2) Emotions of others – whom they love or trust; 3) Actions of others; 4) Location of others; 5) The words of others; 6) The Circumstances; 7) Market Conditions; 8) My own emotions; 9) Whom my heart loves; 10) Whom will break my heart.

Why is this important? Well, If I can't control something, then I should not worry about it. Worrying will do little and uses up too much time & energy. I can prepare for things: but worrying – takes to much of an emotional tool.

What will be will be, and I will be about only what I can control.

Here is a Mind Map I made on the subject

From smiles

curious and tired

Sitting at the hut. Wondering what will happen tomorrow. Amazed at how things shift so quickly. Amazed that I occationally mistakenly think I can discover, through deductive and analytical thought, how and why a person will react or respond. The truth is, despite marshaling all of my life experience (insert joke here), I will never be accurate enough to not be annoying.

So I give it up... Well, at least for tonight.... and let the chips fall where they may.

I guess life is really a continual series of blind leaps of faith...

We shall see where we land. And if we don't, well, the jump was exhilarating....

So here it goes

I have spent a year being reflectve. 2007 is going to be the year I break out. I realized today, as I narrowly missed one of my life long dreams, that the only thing standing in my way is me.

Well I have a second wind. What is important is no longer self-revelation. I know enough now. Now is time for pure action.

My goals are simple. I have 6 months.

Kicking stones

I took one of my walks today. Six miles doesn't seems so far when there is so much to think about.

I have had a frustrating couple of months, where I seemed to have had to re-learn many of the lessons from the past year. It was so annoying struggling with the same old things in new situations.

One of the most difficult is dealing with is my Mortgage business. Business stinks right now. And every loan becomes all that much more important because of the bills and obligations that are quickly coming due: never mind if I wanted to romance someone, or buy my kid a couple of things. This last month I worked on a loan that, on paper, would have alleviated much of the financial stress during this Holiday season. It was a perfect loan for the perfect candidates, and I was in the unique position of having turned certain roadblocks into advantages. But as I kept facing new road blocks, The loan seemed to become less and less likely. It was a roller coaster ride without restraints.

When it finally died, for the last time, and I had no more ideas as to how to make it work, I was amazed at my depression response. It was though the hope for relief from every one of my financial responsibilities was ripped away. The hopelessness seeped into and echoed through every dream that I have. It was kind of left me a bit pathetic on Friday and Saturday.

It was probably worse because it was a direct violation of what I had learned this past year: Do not place hope into finite and fallible people and things. With that one loan, I proved myself unable to keep focused on the right place. With all the other incidental and monumental things developed, when my misplaced hope rope snapped, I was lost.

I kind of wished I had something really good to self-medicate with. But my distractions were taken away as well: No special friendships. no computer (laptop died), No contact with my son (the X is being so Grenchy), I could not even dive into work (Christmas time kills the mortgage business). Nothing provided a balm of comfort. The best I could manage was a ton of sudoku games on my cell phone.

Someone said that Love was the answer... I thought of that while I was kicking a stone up the street as I walked. The stone was about the size of a baseball. Right as I thought that, kicking the stone, it caught one of my toes in a peculiarly painful way. I thought, "Well, Love might be the answer, but don't expect it to feel good all the time... especially when you catch it at the wrong time."

I am pretty lucky. I have been able to kick the Love stone so many times. They all eventually felt the same. That same stinging acute pain.

Note: I took my blog off of private. To those that are reading it for intel , I can promise you, what you think I am alluding to, I am not...and if I am, it isn't what you think. If you actually want to know, please, just drop me a note.

Forgiveness

It seems there is no other subject that I have written more about. And when an injustice is fresh, there is nothing that I want to think of less.

But If I were to hang on to those "insulted" or "wronged" feelings, the damage would be quadrupled. I barely know what to write at this point. The good thing is, whatever turmoil I am in right now, because I will forgive and let go of these "wrongs," in a few days it will be as though it hardly happened. It is not worth it to carry this baggage around. And if I did, they would not even admit to it when I present it to them.

So, I add them to the list of people to love for the rest of my life. " Be kind to those who despitefully use you....."

With kindness and respect,

(I could write this every day :)