Etching a new understanding (2)

The next step I took toward my new understanding was attaching to each of those engendered emotions (previous post) an evaluation as to whether that other person’s behavior was Functional or Dysfunctional. I wrote a bit about this in the past when I wrote about God’s love.

When you read that blog entry, you see I have few ideas about how to deal with people effectively when they make me unhappy.. or even how to deal with people who make me happy, though they are dysfunctional when they are doing it....

It was this quandary that began to spark this soon-to-be-revealed understanding. (I either sound like a salesman, or a cult recruiter – Thankfully, I am only the first.) There is nothing new about what I discovered. It has been around since the first books of the Bible were written. However is seems to have escaped most everyone’s attention.

It seems we are ignoring the road signs that are all around us.....

God

Only God makes promises that are kept

etching a new understanding (1)

This last week and a half has yielded a nice new perspective for me. Another way of saying it is: I have spent most of my life looking in the wrong place for the wrong things. Most everything I have struggled with in this blog effected by this perspective change. As I understand it better, I will write more about it. (This will be a fun and challenging series for this blog

To begin, I would like to go back to my thoughts on how we should treat people who are making us unhappy while their actions are quite dysfunctional.

To begin, as I sat with a friend recently, he wanted me to change the extremes on my chart from "happy to un-happy" to "Joy to hurt." I both liked his idea, and was resistant to it (please look to this CHART). I was resistant because I was concerned that people would not be able to relate to the chart because the terms joy and hurt were so extreme. I have found they are hesitant to give other's credit for being the source of it. I held on to this resistance for several hours, until i decided to create a range of expressions to place along that horizontal spectrum line. So let us start by trying to come up with as many words for emotions sparked by others between the extremes of joy and hurt. After we have a good list - We can sort them... Okay - a little web surfing and I have more than I can handle.....

Positive:
assurance
adoration
fondness
liking
attraction
caring
tenderness
compassion
sentimentality
passion
infatuation
longing
amusement
thrill
exhilaration
amazement
rapture
hope
optimism
pride
contentment
pleasure
zest
bliss
cheerfulness
gaiety
glee
delight
gladness
enjoyment
jubilation
elation
satisfaction
joy
happy
hilarious
charm
serene
sentimental
anticipation
surprise
hope
love
wonder
courage
elation
interest
expectancy
desire

Aversion
acceptance

Negative:
reluctant
shame
anger
doleful
distrust
contempt
aggravation
irritation
agitation
Depression
gloomy
grief
sorrow
melancholy
dismay
guilt
alienation
neglect
loneliness
dejection
nervousness
apprehension
uneasiness
worry
Distress
dread
annoyed
exasperation
frustration
anger
bitterness
loathing
scorn
spite
vengeful
dislike
resent
contempt
distress
panic
disgust
dejection
fear
sadness
sorrow
anxiety
misgiving
despair
sadness
rage
terror
rankle
hysterical
hostility
smolder
distraught
anguish
hurt

Sources:  Flashcard Exchange; Changingminds;

unloveable people

God has been so good to me.

He has given me so many unlovable people to love.

And he hasn't allowed me to go crazy yet.

Freedom

Freedom is:
...when what you are protecting is taken away..
...when the balance in your love bank reaches zero..
... When 'tomorrow' becomes 'today..'
... and your dream has faded to nothing..

Letting go is hard - until you have reached this point. From this point, it is but a single step.

A new time has come. A new season is here. New issues- new battles - new loves - new lessons.

may my love be lovingkindness
may my issues be just and true
may my battles be in God's hands
may my lessons lead me through.

My name is Lone

Sent by Wireless Sync from Verizon Wireless

Place of Brokenness

Place of Brokenness, Solitude, Clarity, and Transparency.

I am not afraid of these times. They are when my life changes. The result is surprising and new and different.

There is no Glory in my present situation. There is no outside evidence of success. But there is change.

I am sure that those close to me want things to happen a lot faster. But that is not happening. But oh, how my life and perspective is being re-made. It is as though I was put here for so much more than I was becoming.... so the craftsman melted me down and is hammering me into a new shape.

Fun, no, but would I exchange this time for any other in my life..... Not a chance.

What is changing is too precious. The price was everything. I know it will be worth it.

ahhhh

After the fiasco that happened this past Tuesday, what an amazing relief it is to have Adam (my 13 year old autistic son) back in my home. Yes, you will have to get the account of the misscommunication-induced events personally from me, but the relief is so palitable that with him presently sitting on my feet, his proximity sweeps away my anxieties.

It seems that now God is teaching me how he loves, as opposed to how we love. I hate writing about this stuff, as I know I am nowhere close to fully comprehending how I am loved, and how I should love. Going back a few posts to my perspective picture... I ask the question, how do I love someone who is Dysfunctional and whose actions make me SO UPSET!

Well, I proved how little I understand, by responding with rather mean (but perhaps enlightening) anger... Plus, factor in the many hours I have spent defining the exact offence and worrying (miss-use of creative imagination) about how things would unfold, and you have an emotionally crippling event in my life.

And I thought I was doing so much better....

But I should be focusing on praising God that my son is safe, and thanking him that I don't have to bear a part of the guilt had something tragic actually happened. By the grace of God, Adam remains healthy and safe.

Pillow fights, pizza monsters, wrestling matches, tickle punishments - what a fun night :D

raw garlic

Okay, that was a little strange. This morning I added a single clove of garlic to my morning drink. No big deal. A little odd tasting... figured I would be brushing my teeth all day...

Then it happened. I began shutting down. I could not keep my eyes open. I laid down. my phone rang multiple times. but i slept right through it... until about 20 minutes ago.

What the h happened?!

Well  I did a google search

Then I found this article.  Now I am a little worried. What did i do to my self. Should I let the garlic age?? Why is fresh garlic dangerous? I thought it was good for me...

Well, Now I just read this extensive page, it relates abstracts of most of the clinical knowledge attached to raw garlic. So I have (cat presently attempting to sit on my keyboard as I try to type!! oops:) Now I know more than I wanted to know... and still no explanation as to why I shut down...

Perhaps that wasn't the cause (brilliant)

I should get to work....

Progress...

I had a friend of mine tell me last night that I was using God.... or Hiding behind him. My mind instantly remembered that I had that same thought about M. It seemed like such an wise understanding of the guardian thoughts we may be having. Except, now, I think that is what he is there for... well.. in some ways. Yes, I am using God. I am using him as a buffer between me and the pain other's can cause especially If I look to them to define me. I am using him as a reason to not repeat the actions that have gutted my life. I am hiding behind him, as I avoid those habitual "sins" that inevitably lead to worry and emotional pain and broken relationships. And when other's seek me to enable their dysfunction.. or sin, or whatever you want to call it, who better to hide behind. Isn't that what Joseph (my biblical hero) did with Potiphar's Wife.

Why should I look to people for my support and encouragement, when, if I open up to them, then in their weaker or wiser moments they can easily do much more damage then they ever did good.

I am every bad thing that people who know me could point out. But I am also another thing. I am loved by God. Most of my life I have not understood that, but now, I am beginning to. And the affect of that perspective is outstanding.

You can't understand it unless you seek it.

May I always be seen as using or hiding behind God. There is not more dangerous a place to be...


Dangerous for our dysfunctions, that is...

Walking Backwards

Walking Backwards

Life is like walking backwards. We can see clearly everything that is behind us. We really have no actual knowledge where our next step will land us, though but we often approximate those events by what has just happened. And our destination is completely beyond our perspective.

Walking without God is like walking backwards through the woods... It is a lot harder than doing it on a road.