Progress...

I had a friend of mine tell me last night that I was using God.... or Hiding behind him. My mind instantly remembered that I had that same thought about M. It seemed like such an wise understanding of the guardian thoughts we may be having. Except, now, I think that is what he is there for... well.. in some ways. Yes, I am using God. I am using him as a buffer between me and the pain other's can cause especially If I look to them to define me. I am using him as a reason to not repeat the actions that have gutted my life. I am hiding behind him, as I avoid those habitual "sins" that inevitably lead to worry and emotional pain and broken relationships. And when other's seek me to enable their dysfunction.. or sin, or whatever you want to call it, who better to hide behind. Isn't that what Joseph (my biblical hero) did with Potiphar's Wife.

Why should I look to people for my support and encouragement, when, if I open up to them, then in their weaker or wiser moments they can easily do much more damage then they ever did good.

I am every bad thing that people who know me could point out. But I am also another thing. I am loved by God. Most of my life I have not understood that, but now, I am beginning to. And the affect of that perspective is outstanding.

You can't understand it unless you seek it.

May I always be seen as using or hiding behind God. There is not more dangerous a place to be...


Dangerous for our dysfunctions, that is...