I feel like I have lost control.
It is a good thing.
It doesn't mean I like it.
It angers me. It scares me. It makes me vulnerable.
See, control is what I have when I don't do anything (inaction is control). Control is also trying to cling to something that isn't there or isn't mine.
See, truthfully, nothing is ours. It is all God's. For me, I must see the love's of my life (My son, my family, a girl) with that understanding. They are all His. But it extends to my work, my life, my time, and my money. When things go "wrong", what I really mean is, things have gone in a direction that is beyond my control.
I tend to take it personally, as though I have measure of control. But the truth is, I never had any control.
So what does one do in a situation like this. (I dare say, a situation we all are in)
I pray for God's will to be done, and do "the best that I can" in the moment I am in. Even if it seems to mess things up. I must do the best that I can and let the chips fall where they may. I trust God, he will make this all work together for our good. Inaction is faithlessness.
God. Direct my paths. Let me cling steadfastly to you. Show me how to reflect, with Boldness, your love and kindness and mercy and grace so that you can do your work. Hedge me in so that I don't go beyond your will. Allow me to be an active reflection of you... into the lives of these that I love......oh, and into the lives of those so hard to love. You love them too, even though I do not. So If I reflect you, instead of me, then they will see your love, not mine. Well, your love is better than mine anyway. You are in control. Your will be done.
Lord, by acting, by doing things, I shed my control of inaction. I don't feel prepared enough. I often don't feel I have the right words to say. I don't feel I have what it takes. The mistakes I make are embarrassing. But I know that by being passive, I am actually being willfully-inactive: Willfully controlling life to a safe standstill. Being inactive is not putting my trust in you. Lord, help my unbelief.
Lord, I give you my mind's eye. With it, I see only a world without you or with me controlling your providence.
I give it all up to you. I will go and act and even appear to fail... massively fail - Lord, please pick up the pieces of the mess I am about to make. Please make it work together for good, even if I appear ridiculously foolish.
Lord, I pour myself out for you.