Lord, pick up the pieces....

I feel like I have lost control.

It is a good thing.

It doesn't mean I like it.

It angers me. It scares me. It makes me vulnerable.

See, control is what I have when I don't do anything (inaction is control). Control is also trying to cling to something that isn't there or isn't mine.

See, truthfully, nothing is ours. It is all God's. For me, I must see the love's of my life (My son, my family, a girl) with that understanding. They are all His. But it extends to my work, my life, my time, and my money. When things go "wrong", what I really mean is, things have gone in a direction that is beyond my control.

I tend to take it personally, as though I have measure of control. But the truth is, I never had any control.

So what does one do in a situation like this. (I dare say, a situation we all are in)

I pray for God's will to be done, and do "the best that I can" in the moment I am in. Even if it seems to mess things up. I must do the best that I can and let the chips fall where they may. I trust God, he will make this all work together for our good. Inaction is faithlessness.

God. Direct my paths. Let me cling steadfastly to you. Show me how to reflect, with Boldness, your love and kindness and mercy and grace so that you can do your work. Hedge me in so that I don't go beyond your will. Allow me to be an active reflection of you... into the lives of these that I love......oh, and into the lives of those so hard to love. You love them too, even though I do not. So If I reflect you, instead of me, then they will see your love, not mine. Well, your love is better than mine anyway. You are in control. Your will be done.

Lord, by acting, by doing things, I shed my control of inaction. I don't feel prepared enough. I often don't feel I have the right words to say. I don't feel I have what it takes. The mistakes I make are embarrassing. But I know that by being passive, I am actually being willfully-inactive: Willfully controlling life to a safe standstill. Being inactive is not putting my trust in you. Lord, help my unbelief.

Lord, I give you my mind's eye. With it, I see only a world without you or with me controlling your providence.

I give it all up to you. I will go and act and even appear to fail... massively fail - Lord, please pick up the pieces of the mess I am about to make. Please make it work together for good, even if I appear ridiculously foolish.

Lord, I pour myself out for you.

The Morn' of a new day

Being challenged to grow is not the point.

Allowing myself to grow is.

I am discovering a few key responses that are allowing growth in me.... for which I can take no credit.

To begin with, I need to trust God. This isn't a small point. It is essential. Why? Because my response to him determines the quality of everything that follows. You'll see, He is actually trust WORTHY. And even though I question it daily, it is proven by his persistence and wisdom.

Trusting God does not mean trusting people who claim to know what he is doing. No matter how great the Saint, they cannot know how I should respond to the circumstances I find myself in. They don't know why I am here. They can't know. They can only be a poser and pretend they know. No poser can compare to Him. You will know the poser, they try to define the path without taking you to God and letting Him define it for you. No poser can define the path He has for you. Trust only His voice. (If you don't know how to hear it, you have a wonderful discovery awaiting you. Walk with someone who does listen. They can show you. You can tell who they are, because they are not a poser.)

We live in a very noisy world. That noise is "the ton of things screaming for your attention." Its as though I have to adjust the frequency that I am tuned into, otherwise what is available for me to learn is drowned out. One of the loudest noises is my own inner voice. The things we say to ourselves determines the direction of the changes our circumstances are inspiring in us. Who is controlling your voice? Me, I have had to shut mine up. I say the damnedest things to myself.

So now that I am quiet, and listening to a trustworthy source, in spite of the swarm of circumstances, I begin to see a simple path of action that seems to have no clear destination... except that it is the right thing to do. That is the path of actions that I have to take. That is the one that will produce changes in me. It is the 'road less traveled." It requires that I turn off the "picture show" of worry and doubt and self-determination. It requires that I shush the leaders who would control me, and not lead me to God. It requires that I depend on only God. Crazy? Maybe. But no more crazy than thinking you can control and manipulate and foresee the journey that your life is going to take.

What has happened? The most wonderful and unexpected things. Unfettered from myself and the noise (even the "Holy" noise), I am free to act, learn, and grow. Life isn't a formula, it is a response to whom you are listening to. Fix where you are getting your promptings, and you see the fruit you seek. The end of this path is far more rewarding than where the others end up. Here is a hint, they never end up where they promise....Ever. On this path, circumstances are now producing growth, in spite of the heart ache and turmoil. Life's next challenge becomes another chance for me to see how God will respond. It's exciting, because it is never the same way twice.

I remember the greatest commandments. Love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, and love your neighbors as yourself." Everything falls into place inside me when I do, even though the noise surrounding my circumstances are screaming something different. That noise is getting a new name from me: foul-fruited lies.

Finding this peace may not change your circumstances, but it will change you.

"Lord Bless Them, and change me."

Are we Growing?

What we struggle with most is what we eventually learn the most about.

Our natural talents don't require repeated review of what we have learned. In them, we are unconsciously competent. But as we become consciouses of our incompetence, humility, willingness to admit imperfection, opens our lives to growth.

I find purpose in working though the difficult areas of my life, learning as I strive to improve and grow. I see my failings as markers that show me what I can expect God to address next in my life. I see my struggles as my teachers. They are shaping me for HIS purpose. That belief feeds my hope, because I trust his words, "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jer 29:11
"143 - 7"