God

Only God makes promises that are kept

etching a new understanding (1)

This last week and a half has yielded a nice new perspective for me. Another way of saying it is: I have spent most of my life looking in the wrong place for the wrong things. Most everything I have struggled with in this blog effected by this perspective change. As I understand it better, I will write more about it. (This will be a fun and challenging series for this blog

To begin, I would like to go back to my thoughts on how we should treat people who are making us unhappy while their actions are quite dysfunctional.

To begin, as I sat with a friend recently, he wanted me to change the extremes on my chart from "happy to un-happy" to "Joy to hurt." I both liked his idea, and was resistant to it (please look to this CHART). I was resistant because I was concerned that people would not be able to relate to the chart because the terms joy and hurt were so extreme. I have found they are hesitant to give other's credit for being the source of it. I held on to this resistance for several hours, until i decided to create a range of expressions to place along that horizontal spectrum line. So let us start by trying to come up with as many words for emotions sparked by others between the extremes of joy and hurt. After we have a good list - We can sort them... Okay - a little web surfing and I have more than I can handle.....

Positive:
assurance
adoration
fondness
liking
attraction
caring
tenderness
compassion
sentimentality
passion
infatuation
longing
amusement
thrill
exhilaration
amazement
rapture
hope
optimism
pride
contentment
pleasure
zest
bliss
cheerfulness
gaiety
glee
delight
gladness
enjoyment
jubilation
elation
satisfaction
joy
happy
hilarious
charm
serene
sentimental
anticipation
surprise
hope
love
wonder
courage
elation
interest
expectancy
desire

Aversion
acceptance

Negative:
reluctant
shame
anger
doleful
distrust
contempt
aggravation
irritation
agitation
Depression
gloomy
grief
sorrow
melancholy
dismay
guilt
alienation
neglect
loneliness
dejection
nervousness
apprehension
uneasiness
worry
Distress
dread
annoyed
exasperation
frustration
anger
bitterness
loathing
scorn
spite
vengeful
dislike
resent
contempt
distress
panic
disgust
dejection
fear
sadness
sorrow
anxiety
misgiving
despair
sadness
rage
terror
rankle
hysterical
hostility
smolder
distraught
anguish
hurt

Sources:  Flashcard Exchange; Changingminds;

unloveable people

God has been so good to me.

He has given me so many unlovable people to love.

And he hasn't allowed me to go crazy yet.

Freedom

Freedom is:
...when what you are protecting is taken away..
...when the balance in your love bank reaches zero..
... When 'tomorrow' becomes 'today..'
... and your dream has faded to nothing..

Letting go is hard - until you have reached this point. From this point, it is but a single step.

A new time has come. A new season is here. New issues- new battles - new loves - new lessons.

may my love be lovingkindness
may my issues be just and true
may my battles be in God's hands
may my lessons lead me through.

My name is Lone

Sent by Wireless Sync from Verizon Wireless

Place of Brokenness

Place of Brokenness, Solitude, Clarity, and Transparency.

I am not afraid of these times. They are when my life changes. The result is surprising and new and different.

There is no Glory in my present situation. There is no outside evidence of success. But there is change.

I am sure that those close to me want things to happen a lot faster. But that is not happening. But oh, how my life and perspective is being re-made. It is as though I was put here for so much more than I was becoming.... so the craftsman melted me down and is hammering me into a new shape.

Fun, no, but would I exchange this time for any other in my life..... Not a chance.

What is changing is too precious. The price was everything. I know it will be worth it.

ahhhh

After the fiasco that happened this past Tuesday, what an amazing relief it is to have Adam (my 13 year old autistic son) back in my home. Yes, you will have to get the account of the misscommunication-induced events personally from me, but the relief is so palitable that with him presently sitting on my feet, his proximity sweeps away my anxieties.

It seems that now God is teaching me how he loves, as opposed to how we love. I hate writing about this stuff, as I know I am nowhere close to fully comprehending how I am loved, and how I should love. Going back a few posts to my perspective picture... I ask the question, how do I love someone who is Dysfunctional and whose actions make me SO UPSET!

Well, I proved how little I understand, by responding with rather mean (but perhaps enlightening) anger... Plus, factor in the many hours I have spent defining the exact offence and worrying (miss-use of creative imagination) about how things would unfold, and you have an emotionally crippling event in my life.

And I thought I was doing so much better....

But I should be focusing on praising God that my son is safe, and thanking him that I don't have to bear a part of the guilt had something tragic actually happened. By the grace of God, Adam remains healthy and safe.

Pillow fights, pizza monsters, wrestling matches, tickle punishments - what a fun night :D

raw garlic

Okay, that was a little strange. This morning I added a single clove of garlic to my morning drink. No big deal. A little odd tasting... figured I would be brushing my teeth all day...

Then it happened. I began shutting down. I could not keep my eyes open. I laid down. my phone rang multiple times. but i slept right through it... until about 20 minutes ago.

What the h happened?!

Well  I did a google search

Then I found this article.  Now I am a little worried. What did i do to my self. Should I let the garlic age?? Why is fresh garlic dangerous? I thought it was good for me...

Well, Now I just read this extensive page, it relates abstracts of most of the clinical knowledge attached to raw garlic. So I have (cat presently attempting to sit on my keyboard as I try to type!! oops:) Now I know more than I wanted to know... and still no explanation as to why I shut down...

Perhaps that wasn't the cause (brilliant)

I should get to work....

Progress...

I had a friend of mine tell me last night that I was using God.... or Hiding behind him. My mind instantly remembered that I had that same thought about M. It seemed like such an wise understanding of the guardian thoughts we may be having. Except, now, I think that is what he is there for... well.. in some ways. Yes, I am using God. I am using him as a buffer between me and the pain other's can cause especially If I look to them to define me. I am using him as a reason to not repeat the actions that have gutted my life. I am hiding behind him, as I avoid those habitual "sins" that inevitably lead to worry and emotional pain and broken relationships. And when other's seek me to enable their dysfunction.. or sin, or whatever you want to call it, who better to hide behind. Isn't that what Joseph (my biblical hero) did with Potiphar's Wife.

Why should I look to people for my support and encouragement, when, if I open up to them, then in their weaker or wiser moments they can easily do much more damage then they ever did good.

I am every bad thing that people who know me could point out. But I am also another thing. I am loved by God. Most of my life I have not understood that, but now, I am beginning to. And the affect of that perspective is outstanding.

You can't understand it unless you seek it.

May I always be seen as using or hiding behind God. There is not more dangerous a place to be...


Dangerous for our dysfunctions, that is...

Walking Backwards

Walking Backwards

Life is like walking backwards. We can see clearly everything that is behind us. We really have no actual knowledge where our next step will land us, though but we often approximate those events by what has just happened. And our destination is completely beyond our perspective.

Walking without God is like walking backwards through the woods... It is a lot harder than doing it on a road.

Gods love

God’s love

I seem to be running into a million different examples and illustrations of How God actually loves us. This line started several weeks back. I had figured out a way to accurately describe a person’s actions by graphing them on a grid... I know – nerdy – but give me a chance.

We can all plot on a linear graph, how happy or sad a person’s actions make us feel. The two extremes could include whether they make you feel peaceful or not, or comfortable or not, or angry or not... any polar opposite emotional responses you can come up with can be placed on either side of this sliding scale.

Now, crossing this sliding scale is a non emotion based evaluation of whether that action is functional.... or dysfunctional. The idea is to realize that whether or not an action of another person makes you happy or sad is not a measure of whether their activity is functional or dysfunctional.

You may be enabling dysfunctional activity because it makes you happy or content. You may also be upset of saddened by activity that is intelligent and well thought out and good for that person.

Okay, I am going to try to write a book about this... due out in two, three or five years.....

When I began to plot how I was reacting to people and whether what I was responding to was a functional or dysfunctional action, I began to ask the inevitable question, how should I respond?

The answer I got was from someone who was praying. They were praying about God’s unfailing love. I opened my eyes and realized that it was my responsibility to respond to every one of someone’s actions as God responds to my actions... with Unfailing love.

What an impossible task! So I wanted a way to plot how much love I was showing to the person. I envisioned a blanket of love over the spectrum of traits and actions that a person exhibits. I realized that God’s blanket of love extends over the entire spectrum of their actions. My blanket of love barely crept over the demarcation point between happy and sad.

What a sad commentary on my human state.

I realize that in order to learn how I should respond to people who’s traits and actions upset me or endanger me. How has God responded? How then should I respond?

Since that time, I have had example after example placed in my path that exhibits the deep and encompassing love of God.

I will write much more on this subject