What we Cling To...
How strong are your moments of energy and/or drive and/or clarity?
Let’s measure it with some questions... How do you feel when you feel Love...or lust? Did you feel an excitement that takes your breath away? Does your mind create a million different pictures of how it could/would be? What silent-expectations form in your mind? Did you fool yourself into believing that you are just enjoying the moment – or are you enjoying how those moments could affect your future?
I ask about Love/lust to illustrate to everyone what I mean by a Hypo-M Moment. 95% of us must have them (reference the Bell Curve). They are the emotion filled events that often drive our decisions. Please don’t tell me you haven’t felt the surge of energy when you see something you want, or when you are protecting something, or when you suddenly feel free of your constraining anxieties. Yes, in varying degrees, we all have these moments. Admittedly, each of us presents them in different circumstances with different triggers. At the right times, and under necessary circumstances, Hypo-M moments are very beneficial. However, I would like to discuss some of the dangers of that state.
We often hold onto our Hypo-M decisions or understandings or incites as though they are infallible and above contestation. We unconsciously cling to that decision with amazingly-creative justifications. All so we can cling to that moment of living-brilliance. We are “physiologically” divorced from an awareness of the negatives attached to that decision. Our emotions have clouded our judgment.
The hypo-M state allows us to make decisions that are foolhardy and potentially dangerous. (witness the hero running into a burning building) How many marriages are wrecks because someone thought they could cheat without consequence? How many hearts are wounded by the one night stand – Where a moment-of-brilliance met a person-of-opportunity? How many “loves-of-a-lifetime” have been lost because each could not sustain their Hypo-M state to live up to each other’s expectations? How many shopping-trips-to-solve-a-desire did it take before a person’s finances are in ruin? How many kids remember their parent’s unreasonable-anger over inane things?
My friend, the problem is not someone else. It is us, and the Hypo-M point that we are allowing to oft-influence our decisions. We misuse/abuse ourselves and others by driving for something, refusing to regard the obstacles and consequences of our actions. No wonder our heart breaks when we realize we cannot have things as we imagined.
I think a good first step is for us to get a good measure of how strong our ups and downs are. Once we have an HONEST picture of them (for me, it has taken months) THEN, we should take inventory of the decisions and convictions we came to in those states. Can we, with a sober eye, turn away from what is blinding us?
We may be surprised at the foolishness we are clinging to... I know I am.
(BTW – I am still struggling to come up with a succinct picture of a Hypo-M moment. – Any suggestions????)
5/22/2006
5/20/2006
Simple Saturday
Simple Saturday
Well, Almost...
Adam (son) and I had a wonderfully quiet morning. We did next to nothing. It was great. We did finally manage to drag ourselves out for a long promised Cheeseburger and fries. Afterwards we visited some friends, where Adam had a young boy to play with. He did well, until later in the evening. Then he defiantly wanted to play by himself.
Well, that is when a Dad has to be a Father. He had to learn what appropriate behavior is when he is a guest. This is the part of being a Dad that really ... sucks. The short story is, when Adam became defiant and I counted out (1,2,3). At three, he looses something. Tonight it was his TV and computer rights for the evening. This hits him pretty hard. He then started an earnest attempt to show Dad that he was not defiant... however; at that point, I had given my word and had to preserve my credibility with him. I had to stick by it so that he would never want to let it get to that stage again. If I didn’t, the danger is he would intuitively know that he can be defiant and still weasel out of the consequences. I don’t want him to learn THAT lesson. So instead, we suffered through a tearfully sad ride home. I gave him some distance for 15 minutes and then called him up to his room. We talked about when and where he could get his TV/Computer/Gameboy rights back. I also made it clear that Adam had to be happy Adam, not Mad Adam. Then the rest of the time before bed, he sat next to me and touched my hair and face.
There is a point where disciplining a child is so very difficult. But it is at that point that a parent decides whether they want to be liked (and manipulate-able) or Steady and Trust worthy. I don’t think there is a more important gift you can give them than being a parent they CAN completely trust and respect.
I think I will write more on this.....
Well, Almost...
Adam (son) and I had a wonderfully quiet morning. We did next to nothing. It was great. We did finally manage to drag ourselves out for a long promised Cheeseburger and fries. Afterwards we visited some friends, where Adam had a young boy to play with. He did well, until later in the evening. Then he defiantly wanted to play by himself.
Well, that is when a Dad has to be a Father. He had to learn what appropriate behavior is when he is a guest. This is the part of being a Dad that really ... sucks. The short story is, when Adam became defiant and I counted out (1,2,3). At three, he looses something. Tonight it was his TV and computer rights for the evening. This hits him pretty hard. He then started an earnest attempt to show Dad that he was not defiant... however; at that point, I had given my word and had to preserve my credibility with him. I had to stick by it so that he would never want to let it get to that stage again. If I didn’t, the danger is he would intuitively know that he can be defiant and still weasel out of the consequences. I don’t want him to learn THAT lesson. So instead, we suffered through a tearfully sad ride home. I gave him some distance for 15 minutes and then called him up to his room. We talked about when and where he could get his TV/Computer/Gameboy rights back. I also made it clear that Adam had to be happy Adam, not Mad Adam. Then the rest of the time before bed, he sat next to me and touched my hair and face.
There is a point where disciplining a child is so very difficult. But it is at that point that a parent decides whether they want to be liked (and manipulate-able) or Steady and Trust worthy. I don’t think there is a more important gift you can give them than being a parent they CAN completely trust and respect.
I think I will write more on this.....
5/19/2006
Sleep is closing fas
Sleep is closing fast
As I am dropping off to sleep, I wanted to relay/record a few thoughts....
The importance of the understanding that I expressed in my last post may have been understated. There are times in my life when I was SURE I was “hearing” God’s voice, when instead, clearly it was my own. (I am not talking about hallucinations or audible voices.. before you send the men in white coats.) This will make me now pause and reflect when, in a moment of seeming perfection, I believe I see clearly God’s will in my life. If it is his will, it will bear his fruit. (I hope M reads this)
It is interesting how seeking God’s perspective on things lends the degree of stability I desire. It breaks my heart to hear friend after friend act in Hypo-M moments, doing things that are devoid of reason and reflection. I then have to watch them cling to that poor decision as though they had read it in the Bible...What is sadder - is that I have done the same thing.
I am reminded of the Psychology department-head that monitored a simulated-patient session that I recently conducted. In her feed back she explained how it wasn’t the doctor’s job to convince the alcoholic that he had a problem. Their job was only to introduce the idea into the head of the patient that they may have a problem. The patient ultimately had to admit there is a problem before an effective treatment could be implemented. And in a resistant patient, it may take years before they arrive at that point of desperate conviction.
For me, it has taken years for me to realize that those life-altering loves that shook my life and then faded away, were nothing more than me clinging to the beautiful motivation of a hypo-M moment. So I choose to leave those memories in my past, forgiving the young ladies for not being who they never-could-have-been.
As I drift off – I am clinging to the hope that God will work all things together for his Good and that this life will bear fruit unimagined by me and unmistakably God’s.
As I am dropping off to sleep, I wanted to relay/record a few thoughts....
The importance of the understanding that I expressed in my last post may have been understated. There are times in my life when I was SURE I was “hearing” God’s voice, when instead, clearly it was my own. (I am not talking about hallucinations or audible voices.. before you send the men in white coats.) This will make me now pause and reflect when, in a moment of seeming perfection, I believe I see clearly God’s will in my life. If it is his will, it will bear his fruit. (I hope M reads this)
It is interesting how seeking God’s perspective on things lends the degree of stability I desire. It breaks my heart to hear friend after friend act in Hypo-M moments, doing things that are devoid of reason and reflection. I then have to watch them cling to that poor decision as though they had read it in the Bible...What is sadder - is that I have done the same thing.
I am reminded of the Psychology department-head that monitored a simulated-patient session that I recently conducted. In her feed back she explained how it wasn’t the doctor’s job to convince the alcoholic that he had a problem. Their job was only to introduce the idea into the head of the patient that they may have a problem. The patient ultimately had to admit there is a problem before an effective treatment could be implemented. And in a resistant patient, it may take years before they arrive at that point of desperate conviction.
For me, it has taken years for me to realize that those life-altering loves that shook my life and then faded away, were nothing more than me clinging to the beautiful motivation of a hypo-M moment. So I choose to leave those memories in my past, forgiving the young ladies for not being who they never-could-have-been.
As I drift off – I am clinging to the hope that God will work all things together for his Good and that this life will bear fruit unimagined by me and unmistakably God’s.
5/18/2006
Everyone in the same box
Everyone in the same Box!
Well, if it is big enough, we all could get in.
We all cycle through ups and downs. Our ups are various degrees of something called Hypomania (Less than or lower than clinical Mania). Our Cycle’s severity places us somewhere on the spectrum between Uni-polar and Bipolar activity.
The Question is....Where are you? (Beware of Cognitive Dissonance - my definition: ignoring facts that spoil your chosen perspective)
Everyone lands at some point along the spectrum. My assumption, based on life experience, is that the majority of us land somewhere in the middle. So let u’s redefine normal.
For us in the right side of that spectrum, we might want to question conclusions we come to in our Hypo-M state (Yes, I coined that term – (def) a bit less that clinically treatable mania and Hypomania).
You see, in the Hypo-M state, we are under the influence of a remarkable hormone called Epinephrine – or Adrenaline. Under its influence, we experience a remarkable clarity that the unusual uni-polar-logical person would never experience. In short, stupidity seems acceptable, logical or do-able. In that divorced-from-logic, we can get ourselves into amazingly dysfunctional situations.
EDIT: I just stumbed across a site that said that the entire spectrum of Duel-polar people accounts for 2% of the population.... Then why is it that I can talk to most anyone and find a hypo-M moment?? Well, because the web site is wrong. We all have ups and downs. We all feel the brilliance that accompanies our hypo-M moments. They (the shrinks) don't see our level of Hypomania as problematic.... ie - We don't need to be medicated. That doesn't mean that those moments don't need our closer consideration.
Also, because most people see themselves as the person they are in their Hypo-M Moments, It is VERY hard for them (me) to admit they are a problematic anomaly (Cognitive Dissonance again... )
Well, if it is big enough, we all could get in.
We all cycle through ups and downs. Our ups are various degrees of something called Hypomania (Less than or lower than clinical Mania). Our Cycle’s severity places us somewhere on the spectrum between Uni-polar and Bipolar activity.
The Question is....Where are you? (Beware of Cognitive Dissonance - my definition: ignoring facts that spoil your chosen perspective)
Everyone lands at some point along the spectrum. My assumption, based on life experience, is that the majority of us land somewhere in the middle. So let u’s redefine normal.
For us in the right side of that spectrum, we might want to question conclusions we come to in our Hypo-M state (Yes, I coined that term – (def) a bit less that clinically treatable mania and Hypomania).
You see, in the Hypo-M state, we are under the influence of a remarkable hormone called Epinephrine – or Adrenaline. Under its influence, we experience a remarkable clarity that the unusual uni-polar-logical person would never experience. In short, stupidity seems acceptable, logical or do-able. In that divorced-from-logic, we can get ourselves into amazingly dysfunctional situations.
EDIT: I just stumbed across a site that said that the entire spectrum of Duel-polar people accounts for 2% of the population.... Then why is it that I can talk to most anyone and find a hypo-M moment?? Well, because the web site is wrong. We all have ups and downs. We all feel the brilliance that accompanies our hypo-M moments. They (the shrinks) don't see our level of Hypomania as problematic.... ie - We don't need to be medicated. That doesn't mean that those moments don't need our closer consideration.
Also, because most people see themselves as the person they are in their Hypo-M Moments, It is VERY hard for them (me) to admit they are a problematic anomaly (Cognitive Dissonance again... )
5/14/2006
Dont like the way it
Don’t like the way it sounds
Did you ever refuse to admit something because you don’t like the way it sounds? Did you ever do something that you know will hurt, because you loved someone? Did you ever realize that you are in the emotional hole you are in because of the decisions you made? Did you ever feel powerless to pull yourself out of that hole? Wouldn’t it be nice if we could erase the emotional impact of bad decisions? Did you ever feel jealous of a horse with blinder’s on and someone guiding where they look? (Is that why people join crazy controlling religious sects?)
I made some rules, I listed them a couple of posts back. Maybe the word boundaries would fit better... Anyway, I am kind of using them as self imposed blinders... keeping me out of trouble. The funny thing is, they are actually what I want to do, so it is kind of easier to refer to them as rules... so my rejection of certain situations does appear like a direct rejection of a person or opportunity.
Alright – I am traveling in verbal circles tonight – all done.
Did you ever refuse to admit something because you don’t like the way it sounds? Did you ever do something that you know will hurt, because you loved someone? Did you ever realize that you are in the emotional hole you are in because of the decisions you made? Did you ever feel powerless to pull yourself out of that hole? Wouldn’t it be nice if we could erase the emotional impact of bad decisions? Did you ever feel jealous of a horse with blinder’s on and someone guiding where they look? (Is that why people join crazy controlling religious sects?)
I made some rules, I listed them a couple of posts back. Maybe the word boundaries would fit better... Anyway, I am kind of using them as self imposed blinders... keeping me out of trouble. The funny thing is, they are actually what I want to do, so it is kind of easier to refer to them as rules... so my rejection of certain situations does appear like a direct rejection of a person or opportunity.
Alright – I am traveling in verbal circles tonight – all done.
5/13/2006
Day Marked
Day Marked
Today was an interesting day. I should make mention of it. It was the day that I became fully released from my previous marriage. It was the day she (finally) entered into a marriage covenant with another man.
An epic-friend of mine mentioned that she had read Jesus’ words in Mark about marriage. She said that if I were to marry again, then I would be committing adultery.
My mind then went on an acrobatic justification journey that tickled every part of the Leper-like status that divorced individuals endure. I can guarantee you that I can devise a line-of-thought of remarkable dexterity that dodges most every condemning verse or ideal that anyone can throw at me.
But the bottom line, though, is that it is sin. The word “sin,” translated literally, means to “miss the mark.” And yes, divorce, and all the dysfunction that accompanies it, is a very public expression of how two individuals missed-the-mark. In its brilliance, the bible effectively addresses the issue of sin. It shows us what it is, and then offers us a way around it so that we can still fulfill our life’s purpose without its weight anchoring us to our past.
So, before you cast the stone-of-condemnation on my life and relegate me to an unusable and untouchable pile-of-wrecked-lives, examine the footprints of your own life. Hopefully you will be honest enough to see your own private missed-marks and imperfect-relationships. Hopefully it will inspire you to let that stone slip softly to your feet. Not only does God have an impressive record of redeeming and using imperfectly-led lives, he thrives on it.
We are not so different from the historically-hypocritical Pharisee. We cannot claim wisdom beyond those who crucified the Christ. Nor are we so different from the disciples that ran.
There, but by the grace of God, go we.
Today was an interesting day. I should make mention of it. It was the day that I became fully released from my previous marriage. It was the day she (finally) entered into a marriage covenant with another man.
An epic-friend of mine mentioned that she had read Jesus’ words in Mark about marriage. She said that if I were to marry again, then I would be committing adultery.
My mind then went on an acrobatic justification journey that tickled every part of the Leper-like status that divorced individuals endure. I can guarantee you that I can devise a line-of-thought of remarkable dexterity that dodges most every condemning verse or ideal that anyone can throw at me.
But the bottom line, though, is that it is sin. The word “sin,” translated literally, means to “miss the mark.” And yes, divorce, and all the dysfunction that accompanies it, is a very public expression of how two individuals missed-the-mark. In its brilliance, the bible effectively addresses the issue of sin. It shows us what it is, and then offers us a way around it so that we can still fulfill our life’s purpose without its weight anchoring us to our past.
So, before you cast the stone-of-condemnation on my life and relegate me to an unusable and untouchable pile-of-wrecked-lives, examine the footprints of your own life. Hopefully you will be honest enough to see your own private missed-marks and imperfect-relationships. Hopefully it will inspire you to let that stone slip softly to your feet. Not only does God have an impressive record of redeeming and using imperfectly-led lives, he thrives on it.
We are not so different from the historically-hypocritical Pharisee. We cannot claim wisdom beyond those who crucified the Christ. Nor are we so different from the disciples that ran.
There, but by the grace of God, go we.
5/12/2006
Pain in the
Pain in the ...
I simply feel as though I should not reward myself with writing until I finish picking up my room....
I simply feel as though I should not reward myself with writing until I finish picking up my room....
5/10/2006
Thoughts Gone
Thoughts Gone
Thoughts are gone,
Play is on.
My life is left
‘Till next sun’s dawn.
Hold little faith
In tomorrows tale.
A tickled fetish
Allays no ail.
With unholy con
Shields feeble heart,
From yester’s pain
And conscious thought.
It is life’s fool’s bane.
By Lone McCord
Thoughts are gone,
Play is on.
My life is left
‘Till next sun’s dawn.
Hold little faith
In tomorrows tale.
A tickled fetish
Allays no ail.
With unholy con
Shields feeble heart,
From yester’s pain
And conscious thought.
It is life’s fool’s bane.
By Lone McCord
5/09/2006
5-9-06
5-9-06
Adam is so silly. We have been having epic pillow stealing wars at night. He keeps taking all my pillows and hiding them...usually right under his own pillow. Of course it is a huge wrestling match to get them back. Usually the gorilla and the T-Rex (different Dad characters) have to woop up on him to get them back. Finally I waited in the closet with a flashlight to catch him Stealing my Pillows. It was very funny.
Adam is so silly. We have been having epic pillow stealing wars at night. He keeps taking all my pillows and hiding them...usually right under his own pillow. Of course it is a huge wrestling match to get them back. Usually the gorilla and the T-Rex (different Dad characters) have to woop up on him to get them back. Finally I waited in the closet with a flashlight to catch him Stealing my Pillows. It was very funny.
Dormant
Dormant
It is amazing how a broken heat can sneak up on you in the most unwelcome moments. One of those moments was a few moments ago. I was sitting, thanking God for a few of the amazing events of today, when wanted to reach for the phone to call my favorite friend... But I could not call. I gave my word that I would only respond.
I miss her. In every way I miss her. I miss our good times and our bad. I miss the hope I had for us. I miss knowing that she was there. I miss the feel of her many colored hair. I miss the bumper hugging driving. I miss the smell of her latest lotion. I miss knowing that I will never have to love another person. I miss the believing that I had met the last love of my life. I miss the committed certainness I felt when I finally ask her to be mine.
I miss her feet. I miss her shoulders. I miss digging for that knot. I miss her nose and her chin. I miss the way she melted into my arms. I miss our candy runs. I miss the hidden parts that she only ever shared with me. I miss hoping she would stay.
I am beyond her boundaries now - Exiled and unwelcome, except for passing pleasantries or humble hellos.
Thank you God, for allowing me to see a woman of such character, and will, and tenderness, and life long beauty. The loss of her company has tenderized me, making me open to the changes you deemed necessary in my life. I embrace those changes, appreciating my loss, and counting it as the most recent tuition payment to your University of Life.
May your will be done.
It is amazing how a broken heat can sneak up on you in the most unwelcome moments. One of those moments was a few moments ago. I was sitting, thanking God for a few of the amazing events of today, when wanted to reach for the phone to call my favorite friend... But I could not call. I gave my word that I would only respond.
I miss her. In every way I miss her. I miss our good times and our bad. I miss the hope I had for us. I miss knowing that she was there. I miss the feel of her many colored hair. I miss the bumper hugging driving. I miss the smell of her latest lotion. I miss knowing that I will never have to love another person. I miss the believing that I had met the last love of my life. I miss the committed certainness I felt when I finally ask her to be mine.
I miss her feet. I miss her shoulders. I miss digging for that knot. I miss her nose and her chin. I miss the way she melted into my arms. I miss our candy runs. I miss the hidden parts that she only ever shared with me. I miss hoping she would stay.
I am beyond her boundaries now - Exiled and unwelcome, except for passing pleasantries or humble hellos.
Thank you God, for allowing me to see a woman of such character, and will, and tenderness, and life long beauty. The loss of her company has tenderized me, making me open to the changes you deemed necessary in my life. I embrace those changes, appreciating my loss, and counting it as the most recent tuition payment to your University of Life.
May your will be done.
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