Predicament

Sometimes I just don't want to be judged.

Sometimes being public or transparent invites people to judge. Sometimes asking for advice becomes asking people to judge.

I have watched people use information they glean (from reliable sources) unfairly for their own means, making cannon fodder of my life to strike their target.

Yet they never expose themselves.

It is easy to take pot shots at transparent people.
And when it's done, it is like touching them in a perverse way.

One thing I have found true, what they notice in me is also what they struggle with, silently, in themselves. Especially if they wax eloquent about what they discover.

Oh, "they" have their reasons and their perspective, which could have been appreciated and valuable, if they had shared with love. But they attacked.

It makes me want to attack back.

I say all this because I have done what they do. I am what I hate in them. And it humbles me to see it. And it makes me pause before I jump into the fray with my limited-perspective and vengeful-judgement.

Does being humble help? Humility may mean introspectively pausing and withholding my response. But being humble doesn't negate the pain they cause. So me being humble helps them.

Did you ever make a really good point and the person dismissed it saying you were just attacking them? Have you ever dismissed a really good point saying the person sharing was just attacking you?

Case-in-point: You see, like it or not, I judge the actions of those in my girlfriend's life. It seems crazy to me what they do. I get physically ill at the thought that these people have an influence on her, and by extension me. Some are exposed to me and I am not exposed to them. Other's hide and take shots from afar. In either case, I turn up the heat on H (the girlfriend) trying to get her to act toward them as I imagine she should. But that very action creates just as much of the thing I don't like: undue pressure on H.

You see, there is a lie stuck in H's mind and I am trying to prevent the evil it creates. It is a common lie. It makes a negative opinion into a pin-in-her-eyeball. But the lie affects me as well, and the result has been that i have withdrawn from being transparent.

So I find myself in a predicament.

How do you stop this type of evil?
Is it a matter of maturity?
How do you stop it with Love?
Is being secretive the best response? Is it a good temporary solution?
How do you coach someone to be assertive for themselves without becoming a different but still injuring pressure?

The way must be something other way than the visceral fight in me desiring to explode.

(I am quiet because I am afraid of what me saying something will do)