11/22/2007

are you willing...and able

This is a quite cry...

I am learning that silence can be better than opening my mouth. My biting "honesty" flays people too easily... Other times, if I opened my mouth, bumbling may be all you hear. Either way, most times, it is best if I am just quite.

The problem with this rule of thumb: so much is kept inside, never to be expressed.

No, my dear friend. I have not expressed what I am really thinking.

Who will hear of my love? Who will hear of my longing? Who will hear of my struggles and heartache? Who will care what ridiculousness I see? Who will listen to the ideas? I know, no one is listening. Some may want to, but few can. Not yet. Maybe not in my lifetime. But that doesn't mean I have to give up my dream. It doesn't mean I can't be "that person" for another. It just means I won't be gifted with it back.

I am a maverick. I believe everything can work, everything can improve. I believe in the undulation of life. I believe pressure makes us change. I believe in an honesty that hurts & heals at the same time. I crave the wounds of a friend. I remember them and they profoundly affect me. I believe in never giving up, even when I feel crushed in this moment.

Dear friend, break my heart. Tell me what is really going on. It only opens up the next season in my life. I may not accept your conclusion. But I have God. He will enable your wounds to do their work in my life. There is freedom in this heartbreak. Give me that freedom.

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