I don't know

I simply do not know what to say today.... But I will give it a try.

With all of my discoveries about life and myself, none of them softens the deep affection I have for that certain person. Admittedly, the shape and form of it has changed dramatically. How I relate to her has drastically changed. I no longer dare to hope for a future with her at my side, but I do still look at her and see everything that I loved and treasured.

I had a moment, these past few days, when I remembered again how I expressed how deep my decision was to date her. I warned her that as hard as it had been for her to get me to see her that way, that would be that much harder for me if things didn't work out. I know how deeply I love. I never wanted to do it again, unless I knew that they were the ONE..

Well, That just goes to show what a good prognosticator I am :(.

I know God is using this to do something special in me. I am beyond thankful. As my life changes, it becomes the easier it is to Love her from this safe distance. It reminds me of a biblical author who talked about something that he continued to pray to God about, but God never resolved it. He said that it had to remain in his life to keep him humble and remind him of his dependence upon God.

Well, I cannot imagine a better gift from God, than for her to be what continually forces me to seek His face and His will in my life.

What is Lord of your Heart

What is Lord of your Heart?

Not in word, but in practice...

You can see it by your fruit...

Are you always a peacemaker, harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted and humble in the midst of being despitefully used when in a defendable and justifiable position?

Or do you hit back. (Insult for insult, slight for slight)

You know, it is okay if you do. Just don’t fool yourself (as I have been) by thinking that you have fully given your life to God.  

I hope to one day be able to say that I will not allow a woman to rule my heart. That in it’s place, I hope to be continually looking to the unquenchable source for my hopes and dreams.... And I will know if I am by my fruit... (less-needy = more-lovable)

Question what you believe

Yes, Question it. It is healthy!

We all say things in our heads... all day long. And because we are the ones saying it, we conclude that what we are saying is what we believe. Well here is a challange: Question what you believe. Pretend it contains only a piece of the truth. Just enough for us to accept it. BE BRUTAL. Search for the other perspectives.

Please, Don't just believe what you tell youself.

Check out this article I found - it reminded me that most of the emotional pain I experience is because of what I am believing inside. SOME, if not MOST, is not completely accurate. All of it deserves to be observed from a different perspective.

PURSUE TRUTH - even in the darkest parts of your own mind....

"Truth is always kinder than our thoughts about it" and The truth will set us free.

Storm

Sometimes a storm brews. You want it to stop. But it doesn't.. So you try to fix it. But the fix does more damage than the storm itself.

Let us see the storm as the next lesson. Be patient within it. Don't panic. Don't manipulate it. Let it rain. And look for that quiet small voice. You will know it when you hear it. It will be the one that tells you what you don't quite want to hear. Just be quiet and absorb it.

It just might be God teaching you something. 

OffTopic - FireFox

I have to say, The very best thing I have on my computer is the Internet browser FireFox. I know, this is a departure from what I normally write about, but it it adds so much to my experience on the internet.... It is just amazing.

If you are still using Internet Explorer - or any other internet browser.... well, a few minutes getting used to FireFox
  and you will understand what I am talking about. Right now, I am using the FTP extention to add files to Adam's Web site, Plus I am writting this blog entry, and I have 5 other pages that I am motitoring..... and I have only one Window open. It is fantastic! Plus, I don't get pop-up adds and spywear - as you do with Microsoft's Internet Explorer...

There are so many reasons why FireFox is great - Thank you Kate for Introducing this to me!!! (almost a year ago now!)

IDOLizing the Ideal

IDOLizing the Ideal

Talk about a thought that is germinating. These thoughts are completely open for discussion. I could be completely off base. But I think there is a measure of truth here. I hope you find it :P  Please comment!!

• We often idolize the Ideal.


• An Idol is something we fashion, create, or buy. We might be creating an image that we think will comfort, direct, or empower us.


• A Metaphysical Idol (Coined Term) is an idealized image we create in our mind.


• There are all sorts of things we apply our imaging too: Ourselves, Other People (parents/kids, friends, leaders.........), The Future, Our Possessions (There must be more!)


• We often expect these idols to remain unblemished and have God-like knowledge of our motivations, goals, intentions, and/or silent prayers.


• When the Image (or Idol) that we have does not perform as we as imagined, we are left angry, upset, disappointed and hurt.

When that image is attached to a person, that person will inevitably let us down.  We then often say, though with different words, “You have not measured up to your Image that I have fashioned. You have violated my trust in your image. Now I am justified as question your character because you have failed my image.” This image fashioning can easily be employed to tear a person down. You can set up an impossible-to-achieve image of a person, then compare them to it, and then discredit them based on that comparison. It is easily swallowed because the ideal is what everyone would want.

Both of these are so destructive. When we look upon people as imperfect-but-loved, there is such a higher chance for healing and growth. This is the attitude that God has with us. It gives us the freedom to screw up royally (when compared to the ideal), yet it never costs us the privilege to re-connect. No, we cannot expect other people to have this Agape-level love for us. So why do we allow them to be the source/cause of the weather we carry around with us. We can never find abiding peace when you are looking to another person.

So, I propose that I/you lay down the Metaphysical Idols I/you have created. Whether you believe in the big-g God or not, these Idols can do nothing for you - except defile (vs 15) your life with expectations that can never be met. There are far better things to worship than these!

Let’s DE-Idol-ize our lives

Who are we Are we the people that we see when we are ashamed of something we did? or are we something more? Are we the people we project with all our justifications?

Can we even "first know ourselves?"

Are you wearing a mask? Maybe we will only know when it is ripped off.